Ok, before I start this post, I'm going to say that it might not all make sense, but I feel as though I need to get this out.....
I have begun to have a hard heart towards something... Lately I have found myself not wanting to talk to my mom and even see her for visitation. I kinda have begun expecting to get let down by her and just to not get excited or expect anything to happen with her....
I know that sounds bad that I have had a hard heart towards her and it's definitely something I'm struggling with, it feels wrong not to want to pursue a relationship. I mean, it's my mom...
This has always been really hard and seems like it's impossible to have a true relationship with her.... I've prayed asking if I am just to "cut myself off" from her or give it 100% It seems like every time I try to pursue it I just end up getting hurt and hurting the ones I love and that are here for me... In some cases I'm still dealing with hurt feelings, and I don't think things will ever be the same....
Recently she decided after months of planning and promises that she wasn't coming out to see us the day before she was supposed to come... My sister was terribly disappointed, but I felt numb. I guess deep down it hurts but I've kinda given up. It's hard, and currently I don't know any other way to turn, but away....
Hopefully things will be revealed to me soon! There is a reason for what is happening and I'm sure it's bigger than me, I'll just continue to trust in God and pray!!!
~anissa
I have begun to have a hard heart towards something... Lately I have found myself not wanting to talk to my mom and even see her for visitation. I kinda have begun expecting to get let down by her and just to not get excited or expect anything to happen with her....
I know that sounds bad that I have had a hard heart towards her and it's definitely something I'm struggling with, it feels wrong not to want to pursue a relationship. I mean, it's my mom...
This has always been really hard and seems like it's impossible to have a true relationship with her.... I've prayed asking if I am just to "cut myself off" from her or give it 100% It seems like every time I try to pursue it I just end up getting hurt and hurting the ones I love and that are here for me... In some cases I'm still dealing with hurt feelings, and I don't think things will ever be the same....
Recently she decided after months of planning and promises that she wasn't coming out to see us the day before she was supposed to come... My sister was terribly disappointed, but I felt numb. I guess deep down it hurts but I've kinda given up. It's hard, and currently I don't know any other way to turn, but away....
Hopefully things will be revealed to me soon! There is a reason for what is happening and I'm sure it's bigger than me, I'll just continue to trust in God and pray!!!
~anissa
July 2, 2011 at 5:58 AM
annie,
i have loved you, sis & your brother since the day you were born...unconditionally. its heartbreaking to hear that you feel this way, and i apologize, although i shed many tears that Christmas too. i very much wished to be with you & Sis...it is simply not true that i would ever want to hurt any of you...i was very very sick that Christmas & what hasnt been said is that i made the visit in April despite being very sick, i pray for you, Sis, Lance, ur Father, Sandy, ur Grandpa Al & ur Grandma Lynda every night & believe that if we should all want to be forgiven for our own sins...we must forgive others as Christ. i love you & miss you every day of my life & smile just thinking of you.
may God bless u & urs always,
Mommie ;)